“All Things in Moderation” is a SHOULD that may be keeping you stuck.
Hey, Coffey –
Before I started working with you, I was one step away from admitting to myself that I have a problem with certain foods – specifically wheat and sugar.
‘Til now, I had minimal boundaries – I strove for moderation, which worked temporarily, if at all. Now I see the fallacy in the “all things in moderation” argument, but the hesitancy is still there. I know I feel a billion times better when MBs 1 aren’t in my life, but the jealousy/entitlement feelings from the sabotage lesson 2 bubble up, and I think that “just a little” won’t be too bad. And honestly, sometimes I can do just a little. But most of the time I can’t, and when I do eat that stuff I always end up not feeling my best. But when I do say no, I feel like superwoman. When I look at it that way. I know I need to ditch this stuff to feel good. Hesitating is working against everything I say I want – to be healthier, and to feel better in my body.
Why do I get so stuck on“but I SHOULD be able to eat that!!”? Why can’t I focus on all the ways I feel great when I’m eating only foods that I relate to in a healthy way?
Help a sister out,
Superwoman
Hiya, Superwoman –
That’s the trick – to give the good stuff the attention it deserves.
If you’re on stage looking out at a sea of smiling faces, the only one you can see clearly is the asshole scowling at you, right? Your jealousy/entitlement stuff is sort of like that. That thought “But I should be able to eat whatever I waaaant!” manages somehow to be louder and more noticeable than all the pleasure and relief and power people like us feel when we abstain from the foods that bring us pain.
If you’re an addict 3 ditching the Monkey Brains will have a positive impact on how you experience everything in every minute of every day. But even still, there’ll probably always be that one scowling prick in the third row, forever trying to get your attention, whining “every body else is doing it so I should toooooo!”
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Best advice I have this moment – do your best to ignore that guy. Don’t even look in his direction. Instead, meet every other face in the crowd with a big smile. These are the benefits of eating only foods we relate to in a healthy way. Oh hey, look – in the mezzanine! – it’s A Peaceful Mind! And there, in the balcony – Increased Energy in the Afternoon – man, is it good to see you! Work on noticing and appreciating each of these, every day. Enjoy the emotional freedom and the mental peace and the physical comfort and the sense of empowerment we get to roll around in when we’re free of craving and obsession. The only thing any of us SHOULD feel compelled to do is to take good care of ourselves. And when you hear that piece of shit in the third row clear his throat, turn to the rest of the crowd and toss out a genuine and heartfelt “Thank you. I’m so glad you’re here.”
Notes:
- MBs = Monkey Brains. When I work with groups, I use this term as an umbrella for “foods we don’t relate to in a healthy way” because everyone is different and there’s are no inherently “wrong” foods. Calling IT, whatever IT is, “Monkey Brains” gives people the freedom to make their own choices about what does and doesn’t make them feel like shit. And, yes, it’s an Indiana Jones reference. ↩
- If you don’t have a long history of sabotaging yourself when you try to get healthier, don’t take my course. And if you sign up by accident, skip the stuff on self-sabotage. ↩
- If you think you are, you probably are. And if you think you’re not, YAHTZEE! ↩
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[…] “All things in moderation” & the jerk in the third row – Kelly Coffey […]
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Its hard though, I did it once, lost 50 lbs, got the taste of sugar again one day, said a little wont hurt-gained 70lbs back..got 30 gone again now..pleased but the no sugar life is calling my name again but im scared of the devil on my shoulder telling me its only a cookie! Fucking little liar!
I feel you, Karen. It’s amazing how alluring our addictions and compulsions can be, and how manipulative.
I’ve been following you for a while – almost looking out of the corner of my eye – maybe hoping you won’t see me or perhaps that I won’t see me. I’ve been down this road before and somehow last time the road to recovery was pure gift. This time it feels like nothing but hell. I just can’t seem to put both feet in. I keep watching you because in my heart I know you really get it. I just can’t figure out why I can’t commit. Today I needed to say that out loud. And perhaps have a real good cry.
Christie, it’s amazing how each pass at abstinence gets its own flavor, right? I can relate. The first time (or, the first time in a long time) it’s easy, maybe because we’ve got so much clarity in that moment and, until we falter, we’re not familiar yet with that defeat, and so we don’t have that fear and self doubt weighing us down. But the second time, the third, the 20th…the magic is gone. So we need other skills to make up for that first-time magic.
You’re not alone. I know exactly how you feel. I’m glad you’re out there.
I appreciate the insight. Thanks. Any tips on the other skills to make up for the first time magic?
I have lots. I designed a whole cirriculum around it – bit.ly/strongcoffey