Old, unhealthy habits 1– they die hard – but our odds of sticking to healthy new commitments and successfully avoiding slips go way up if we kill those old habits, kill them dead. Think zombies 2. Dead ones (you know, not just undead).
Exhibit A: Vlad has decided to quit drinking. Because he doesn’t know what else to do, he continues to go to his regular bar every night. He doesn’t drink, but he sits there and socializes until last call with the other regulars.
Exhibit B: Igor, an admitted sugar & starch addict, has committed to the plan. Igor continues to hit the drive thru for an EggMcFrankenMuffin every morning because it’s convenient, because it’s a habit, and because it’s on his way to work, except now he tosses the bread and just eats the egg- and cheese-like insides.
How long before Vlad and Igor are ingesting their respective drugs? By continuing to frequent their old haunts, these well-intentioned souls are clearly setting the stage for a slip.
Why doesn’t Vlad stay home in the evenings, or go anywhere but the bar? Why doesn’t Igor go somewhere else in the morning, or at least order something that doesn’t involve bread? If they want to be successful, woudn’t it be wise to limit their exposure to temptation?
It’s ugly to loll in old, unhealthy habits.
We humans tend to abhor inconvenience, recoil from change, and fear the unknown. We almost always prefer the devil we know to the devil we’ve yet to meet, so we mindlessly loll about in our familiar routines long after those routines have proven detrimental to our health. We justify sticking to old behaviors because we think it will be easier to control our impulses than it would be to do things differently.
Oftentimes folks who continue to dance around the thing they’ve sworn off want to want to make a change, they just don’t want to make it yet. Not really. When someone’s actions don’t jibe with their stated intentions it’s usually because they’re still in either the contemplation or preparation stage. By not jumping in with both feet and ditching bad habits, they – often subconsciously – are providing themselves with an escape hatch, a quick out for if and when the new, healthier behavior starts to feel hard. Seconds into their slip, as they pour that first drink or butter that first roll, they shake their defeated heads and say “I tried, but it just didn’t make sense,” “It was just too hard,” and “I gave it my all, but it wasn’t in the stars.”
Do whatever you need to do to take good care of you, Doll.
Is it any wonder why so many of us fear making big, healthy changes? Is it any wonder that we think we’re going to fail? These folks with one foot in and one foot out make it look hard, if not impossible, to make significant, positive change. But it doesn’t have to be so difficult as they make it out to be.
Healthy commitments shouldn’t and needn’t be daily exercises in character-building. We owe it to ourselves to make them as easy as possible to stick to. If we ditch old, unhealthy habits 3, and gift ourselves with a period of true abstinence 4, new, healthier behaviors become the default, a veritable no-brainer 5, as most folks who’ve quit smoking or ditched wheat and/or sugar can attest.
Make a commitment. Take action. Then give new habits time to take root.
Vlad: Avoid the bar. Try a nice virgin singles mixer. Igor: Bypass the drive-thru. Fry up some bacon in the lab. The coffee sucks at the drive-thru anyway.
Photos: Lesley Arak Photography
Notes:
- Whatever habits you have that encourage your unhealthy dependencies. Not, like, the habit of always putting your underwear on with your eyes closed. Keep doing that. ↩
- Happy Halloween, Pumpkin! ↩
- Of course, I refer to those habits and circumstances over which we have control and can reasonably effect a change. I recognize there are limits to this. Motivation, and a sense of strength and purpose often follow when we exercise whatever control we have, even if, in the larger scheme of things, we can control only a little. ↩
- The length of time it takes for a new behavior to become the default is different for everyone, as it depends on a whole host of factors, including the strength of the unwanted dependency, the type of dependency (physical, emotional, psychological, or some combination of those), the person’s capacity for discomfort, the person’s sense of their own worth and their willingness to prioritize themselves and their health, buy-in from loved ones, whether or not there’s a supportive, at times humorous, regularly informative blog to read about the dependency, and whether or not there’s an associated Facebook page, etc. Let’s say, for the sake of this post, a month or more. If we’re talking about a behavior we’re better off without, that’s a flash in the pan. By contrast, I’ve seen people who had reached the limit of their discomfort turn on a dime and immediately adopt a whole new set of behaviors to support their new, healthier commitment. In my experience, these folks have an unexpectedly high rate of success long term. ↩
- BRAAAINS. ↩
I have tried to explain this very thing about quitting smoking. It is easy once you decide you are no longer a smoker but very difficult if your mindset is “I am trying to quit”. Jumping off the carb wagon has been pretty easy too because the benefits are so quickly apparent you know you don’t ever want to go back. Love your blog, Kelly. Love you too , cousin 🙂
JoAnne, My experience with smoking was just the same – so long as I had the “I’m trying” mindset, I was locked in addiction. As soon as I began thinking in terms of “I am no longer a smoker” everything became doable. Thanks for the feedback!